...I'm gay.


You will probably be able to guess what this post will be about from the title... Yep, I’m gay! The past few months have been such massive milestones for me in terms of my sexuality, and because I consider everyone reading this as a friend, I wanted to share my journey with you. As always, but especially on this topic, if anyone needs advice for someone to talk to, my DMs are always open, or you can contact me by looking at this page!

Let's get this "straight"...

Let’s start from the beginning. I’ve always been gay, but I only really knew I was gay when I was about 12 - when I figured it out, I made a pledge to myself to never tell anyone, ever. It breaks my heart to think of 12 year old me, curled up and sobbing to myself because I hated myself so much. I’ve learnt to love myself now (I love Pride!), but there’s still times where it is really hard to.
Then, when I was 13, I made a really close friend (who I can’t name because they might be reading this), who was really open about sexuality and its fluidity, which made me totally reassess the situation. I then told myself that absolutely nobody could know I was gay until I was 15, because I thought that nobody would take me seriously. I don’t know if that would have been true, but I do know that it’s shameful how our heteronormative society thinks that queer people might ‘change their mind’, yet from birth they’re constantly trying to put every child into a straight relationship. I could talk about this forever (future blog post maybe?), but for now, I’ll just say it’s disgusting.

Coming out for the first time.

If you know me at all, you’ll know that I officially have a significant other. Yes, I am as excited as you are at reading/typing that sentence! They identify as genderfluid, and they were the first person I ever told that I was queer, so it was probably a bit different to what you’d expect. I told them I was gay to hint that I had a crush on them, and I knew that they would accept me because they identify as queer themself.

But then, obviously, I wanted to tell my friends the good news! So gradually, I came out to them, and they were super supportive too. I told my sister, and she was really happy for me as well. So then I came out to my parents - they already knew my girlfriend (just not as my girlfriend), so I just told my mum when she was in a good mood. Both of my parents have been so kind and supportive, and in which I’m so lucky. I know so many LGBT+ young people don’t have such positive experiences, and I’m so grateful that my family love me no matter what.

Although I’ve been really lucky in my experiences, no queer person has it as easy as straight people do. Someone who I would have regarded as one of my closest friends told me that just writing on her blog that I had a girlfriend was “inappropriate” and “unprofessional”. I told her I was gay in December, and we haven’t spoken since. It makes me sad to know that I’ve lost friends over just being who I am, but if they’re that toxic, I don’t want them in my life.

Coming out for the second time.

I say coming out for the second time, but for every queer person, the amount of times you have to come out is endless. In my school, it's pretty conservative and there are not many LGBT+ people who are out. The ones who are out generally tend to be unpopular and people are mean to them. I didn't want to be pretending I'm someone I'm not, so I wanted to come out to everyone at once. I put on my Snapchat story "I'm gay" with a drawing of a rainbow.

It was a really big thing for me, and I was so so so nervous, but I'm really glad I did it. I have a network of friends who I know will support me no matter what, and that I would be safe. A lot of people still gossip about me and my girlfriend, but I'm much happier being able to be myself.

I just want to say that to any queer people reading this, whether you’re out or not, you are brave and you are loved. I don’t think straight people realise just how hard it is to just be inside your own head when you’re queer. The heteronormative society we are living in is so cruel, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m always here for you. You are loved.

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